Holding Life and Loss Together

Do any of us know how to do this?

The last 7 days have included delight and despair.

My cursor blinks and begs me to pick one of these realities to write about.

I’ll pick one thing later, but not today.

Here’s a peek into my last week.

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Monday: My birthday.

One week ago today, I celebrated my birthday. I went for a walk, listened to a podcast, sent Marco Polo messages to a friend, played Boggle with my family (I can’t overstate what a delight this has been. We’ve been playing Boggle almost every night), read a book recommended by a friend, watched The Emperor’s New Groove, and ate birthday cake. I went to bed feeling so grateful.

Yzma: Pull the lever, Kronk.

Yzma: Wrong lever!

Tuesday: A house fire.

On Tuesday there was a house fire in our neighborhood. I saw the smoke while I was on a walk a mile away. I turned around and headed back home to see what I could see. Neighbors gathered at the top of a hill a few blocks from our house, a safe distance away, and watched firefighters put out the fire. The house is a complete loss. The family was safe. 27 years of birthdays and holidays in that house and it’s gone.

All The Days This Week: Time Away from Social Media.

I’ve been settling into a new rhythm of time away from social media. For the months of June, July, and August I’m not using all my usual social media go-to accounts that suck up so much of my time. Not having them available has given me a chance to think through things I hadn’t previously. I’m also learning that the muscle memory of scrolling and clicking is strong and I’ve been redirecting that habit toward constantly checking news sites and playing games on my phone. Isn’t it interesting how creative we can be to feed an addiction?

I opened up my “writing projects” notebook and on a new page, I wrote “Idea Collection: Stuff to share later?” Without the option of Facebook, Threads, or Instagram, how would I process all the things I would normally reshare immediately or give hot takes on?

I filled two pages of thoughts, ideas, questions, and reminders of articles I had read I might want to write something about at some point:

What should I do about social media accounts I follow that give me important information I can’t find somewhere else?

What do I think about the Feucht investigation?

Does anyone need to see a screenshot of the New York Times Connections puzzle that I aced?

How do people stay up to date on news away from social media?

I learned something new about my husband’s family when I asked them about their favorite music.

I woke up, unable to sleep one night, picked up my phone and found a music book on ebay that I had been unable to find for years. I purchased it immediately. That would make a good story. Note to self: Message Liz!

Should I write about how more mainstream the idea of using psychedelics is becoming?

Wednesday: What I decided to write about.

Last week, as I was looking through photos I had taken in previous years around the time of my birthday, I was reminded of the time in June 2022 when a popular Christian communicator shared a photo of herself and someone who had been credibly accused of abuse.

There was a lot of push-back to the post. She ended up taking it down and addressing it in a video later. 3 years later, I’m still thinking about it. I pulled out my magical “writing projects” notebook and hand wrote two pages of thoughts and observations I had after rereading news articles and old posts.

And then I saw an email in my in box that linked to an article about a Christian musician that had been accused of assault. I wrote several more pages about how interconnected this report was to the one I had been writing about just a few hours earlier. I let the ideas sit in my notebook. I hardly slept that night.

Later, a friend saved me from posting a quick hot-take that I would regret. (Another vote for having someone to process with and slow you down if you are someone who shares your thoughts publicly)

Thursday and Friday. College Orientation.

On Thursday, I drove with our middle child to college orientation. When her group was called, a Taylor Swift song played and tears started to fall down my cheeks. Doggone it. What was happening? I wasn’t prepared to feel emotional. But, of course I was.

It was an exhausting and exciting weekend. Audrey was oriented on being a freshman in college. I was oriented on being a parent of a freshman in college. This is round two for us, but there’s always more to learn.

Saturday. A New Tree.

I got a tree for my birthday. This is a sure sign I’m a middle-aged adult. Nathan took me to the local plant nursery and we picked out a Ginko tree. A male one. The female Ginkos smell. We also picked up two peony plants. I wonder how many more years we’ll live in this house and if I’ll be able to see them bloom.

Sunday. An Unexpected Death.

We were waiting for our Sonic order when I saw a Substack post linking to an RNS article about Jennifer Lyell. I clicked on it and gasped. She had died at the age of 47.

I texted my friend, Melissa because I knew she would want to know. Later, I sent messages checking in with a couple of friends I knew who would also be impacted.

How do I explain how the death of someone I never met impacted me so deeply? How do I put into words how I can feel gutted and enraged at all the trauma she endured?

Jen, herself, predicted that trauma would take her life. She was right.

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My week started with a birthday celebration and ended with news of a death.

Today, I’m holding all of these things together and thinking about how so many of you are doing the same with your joy and grief.

May you be met in both of these sacred spaces.