When your friends ignore the elephant in the room
Happy Saturday (evening)!
I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen an elephant in person. We used to have elephants at our local zoo in Nashville. They’re huge. Impossible to miss.
So, let’s say, for argument, you happened to have an elephant in your family room at your house. It takes up most of the room and it smells. And let’s say, a friend came by to chat and you invited them to join you in the family room.
Wouldn’t it be a bit unusual for your friend to never once mention the elephant or for them to insist that it’s really awkward for them if you mention the elephant? At some point this analogy breaks down, but I think you get it.
This is how it feels for so many people healing after removing themselves from abusive situations that have to do with communities where they have friends that remain. Not talking about the elephant is super awkward, but it can be super tricky to talk about it, too.
My friend, Sarah, emailed me this week after she listened to this week’s podcast where my friend, Miranda and I talked about how we dealt with this situation. Sarah pushed back a little (in the best way). She rightly pointed out that not every situation was as tidy as the one Miranda and I discussed. I want to acknowledge that for all of you.
It’s especially hard when you leave a place and after leaving a narrative is told to your friends that isn’t true.
I would love to hear what your experience has been.
Were you able to hang on to your friends?
Did you have an experience where you friendship broke down for a while and later you were able to reconcile and resume your friendship?
I’ve been busy working on this next week’s episode with Wade Mullen. Those of you who are familiar with him know what a huge deal this is! It was a fantastic discussion and I’m spreading it out over two episodes. So, we get a double dose. We talk about how to recognize the signs of an abusive organization and impression management. We also chat about the cost of being a bystander who decides to speak up.
You’re going to love it.
I hope you have the best weekend available to you (hat tip to the Pantsuit Politics hosts)!
Amy
P.S. Drop a note below with any of your questions, comments, snide remarks ;-)